Woman Humor

Got this in an email from a dear friend, have no idea of the original source....but it was a good reminder for me of my self worth.

BEHIND EVERY
SUCCESSFUL WOMAN
IS HERSELF

A WOMAN IS LIKE A TEA BAG...YOU DON'T KNOW HOW STRONG SHE IS UNTIL YOU PUT HER IN HOT WATER

I HAVE YET TO HEAR A MAN ASK FOR ADVICE ON HOW TO COMBINE MARRIAGE AND A CAREER

COFFEE,CHOCOLATE, MEN.SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH

I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN And I HAVE A GUN

WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND I KNOW 
HOW TO USE IT

OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY...I DID IT RIGHT 
THE FIRST TIME

DO NOT START WITH ME.YOU WILL NOT WIN

ALL STRESSED OUT
AND NO ONE
TO CHOKE

And last but not least:

IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, 

SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN

Panda Therapy

Mooooooooommmm

You'll have to come in and get me.

Kung Fu Panda...

One, two, three.... lift!

Does this log make my butt look fat?

You can't see me.....

Oops! Slight miscalculation.

You go. I'll just stay here and rest my head a little bit.

I don't know how this bamboo shoot got here!
It was just sitting here, I swear!  

I'll give you 2 seconds to get off me or I'm calling Mom.

Pardon me but do you have a napkin?

Darn paparazzi! A little privacy please?

Dear Abby:
I have this brown stain on my nice, white, fluffy butt...

 Shhhh, I'm reviewing

I cannot believe that I'm stuck in this tree again.
What is the matter with me?

I'm sure there's a way out somewhere.
I saw an ant go this way yesterday.

 Look closely and don't step on my contact lens

The perfect day for a panda...

absolutely nothing accomplished.

Bless me Father for I have sinned

50 Years Make a Difference

1960: Long hair 
2010: Longing for hair 

1960: KEG 
2010: EKG 

1960: Acid rock 

2010: Acid reflux 
 

1960: Moving to California because it's cool 

 

2010: Moving to Arizona because it's warm 

1960: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor 

2010: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

1960: Seeds and stems                    2010:Roughage 

1960: Hoping for a BMW
2010: Hoping for a BM 

1960: Going to a new, hip joint
2010: Receiving a new hip joint

 


1960: Rolling Stones 
2010: Kidney Stones 

1960: Screw the system
2010: Upgrade the system 

 


1960: Disco
2010: Costco 

 


1960: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2010: Children begging you to get their heads shaved

1960: Passing the drivers' test
2010: Passing the vision test 

1960: Whatever 
2010: Depends 


Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change things.  Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of this year's incoming freshmen.  Here's this year's list: 

The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1992. 

They are too young to remember the Challenger blowing up. 

Their lifetime has always included AIDS. 

Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.

The CD was introduced 2 years before they were born. 

 They have always had an answering machine. 

They have always had cable. 


They cannot fathom not having a remote control.. 
Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show. 

Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws. 

They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.

 
They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.

They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or "de plane, Boss, de plane.." 
 
They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or "de plane, Boss, de plane.." 

They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.

Mc Donald's never came in Styrofoam containers.